My parent's computer died last week.

It's tempting to leave this entry only containing the above sentence and to disallow comments, but I'll press on.

They got the computer from my Uncle Bill, who lives near Barrow-In-Furness. The best thing about him living near Barrow-In-Furness is that he doesn't actually live IN Barrow-In-Furness. He used to be a butcher, but now deals in cheap PCs and fixes them for the local community. My parents are flummoxed by their computer refusing to boot up, and are unable to deal with the problem themselves; so they have just got in the car to drive the 200-odd miles to “near Barrow-In-Furness” so Uncle Bill can have a look at it. I can't quite work out if this is a sensible, cost-saving measure, or a tremendous waste of effort.

My arms are aching after assisting Noel and Alison with loading a hire van for their move to Leeds next week. We packed the van solid with books, baby clothes and baby toys, racks of CDs and a surfeit of framed art, at which point Noel realised that we'd forgotten to put in a gigantic double mattress. Much whistling of “Right Said Fred”, and suggestions that we take off all the handles, and the things that hold the candles. If the last sentence means nothing to you, acquaint yourself with the back catalogue of Bernard Cribbins, and fast.

Vic and Chris, into their last 6 weeks of betrothal before an almighty pissup in a tent in Sussex, were also assisting with the move. Their wedding list was due to open at John Lewis that morning, giving friends and family alike the chance to give them a sound footing in the crazy world of married life. At 10.30am Vic got a furious call from one of her friends. “Vic. Your wedding list. You have chosen 17 things. Seventeen. How many guests are coming to your wedding?” Vic concurred that it would be many more than 17. “Well, get down to John Lewis and choose some more stuff. And kindly choose things that aren't like this.”

I love the fact that Vic and Chris chose 17 things for their wedding list, including things like this. Love it. I will certainly be buying them something along these lines.