I was just reading about the remote British outpost of Tristan da Cunha. A place of outstanding natural beauty, it tells me. It also tells me in the sidebar that, on average, Tristanians drink a litre of whiskey a week. I'd be interested in a study relating the remoteness of your home to your capacity to blotting out the sheer loneliness with large quantities of alcohol. My parents manage to cope with life on the western edge of, er, Dunstable, by having an occasional bottle of home made wine (although I tried some about a year ago and it knocked me out for the rest of the afternoon.) struggles through life down there in Devon with pints of foaming real ale to sustain him, but probably drinks no more than , who lives in Dulwich and thus has no real excuse.

Assuming that the poor children who live in that godforsaken place (Tristan da Cunha, I mean, not Dulwich) aren't knocking back the booze, that surely means that the adults are downing their share too. Over a litre a week. Strewth. Saturday nights on TdC must be quite something. Although they probably don't wait until Saturday to get slaughtered, do they. Monday would be equally appropriate. Get it out of the way, leave the rest of the week clear for, I dunno, taking headache pills and mopping up vomit.

They also, apparently, speak English – albeit with a “strange Georgian dialect”. I'd love to hear that. “Lawks. We didst surely end up in the gutter again, Dave.” “Verily. Hair of the dog?”