I’ve bought a couple of things in the last few days – useful things, things that can’t be counted as just frittering money away on pointless crap, although I suppose other people will ultimately be the judge of that. One of them is a Roland Micro Cube battery-powered amplifier, which I’ve had to buy because I’m playing musical saw at a wedding in Norfolk in about 3 weeks time. It promises to be an odd day. The happy couple are getting married ankle deep in water in a salt marsh in the centre of a 250-voiced toning circle, before retreating to a wooden shed in the middle of nowhere which has no connection to the national grid, with entertainment provided by a gypsy band, the bloke who wrote the music for Peep Show, and me on the musical saw, amongst others. I asked the bloke who wrote the music for Peep Show if he’d play piano along with me while I played the musical saw, and he very graciously agreed, but then admitted he might be a bit rubbish, which I’m sure isn’t true at all, but to be on the safe side I bought a Roland Micro Cube battery-powered amplifier for £70, allowing me to play along to my iPod. I know that this shameless use of electricity really isn’t going along with the spirit of the event at all, but at least I’ve cut back from the original Powerpoint demonstration and laser show that I’d originally planned.

I’ve spent the last few days doing a job which involves me asking celebrities about terrible meals they’ve had. My own horrific experience was probably one that I blogged about, where Jenny ended up calling the waiter an idiot after he’d unwittingly insulted her mother. I’d be interested in hearing your own horrible restaurant experiences, not that I can use them, because you don’t appear regularly on television (as far as I know) but it’s nice to offload, isn’t it. I’ve started seeing it as our duty to fill the internet with as much readable material as we can muster, in an attempt to offset all the cack that’s being dumped on the BBC and Guardian websites. In a fit of pique at the weekend after reading some bollocks thread about whether we’re heading towards a new Cold War (as if I need readers of the BBC to help inform me of impending international catastrophe) I registered www.arsetalk.com, and then started my own braindump of ill-thought out views. Of course, it’s hard to satirise such drivel, but having the words “your moronic, laughable musings” above the comments section helps. They should really do that on the BBC website, too. Fat chance.