“Enough is enough,” thought my esteemed partner, no doubt, before she marched into the BBC shop on Portland Place and took advantage of a 3 for 2 offer on CDs. It saw her emerge £21.98 poorer but clutching 3 albums by master hypnotist Glenn Harrold. Sleeping has proved to be problematic in recent weeks, and one of Glenn's CDs, with the snappy title of Glenn Harrold's Ultimate Guide To Relaxing Sleep Every Night, now provided a radiant beacon of hope in the grim light of tiredness and irritability.

The front cover promised “skilled hypnotherapy techniques with state of the art sound production”. The back cover added to the excitement: the sound, it informed us, was to be digital. So, at about 11.30pm last night, Jenny fetched the CD player from the kitchen and stuck it on. We awaited the “pleasant voice” and “60bpm sound effects”. As two chords from a cheap synth gently faded in, Glenn began to speak. Disappointingly, his voice wasn't that pleasant. He sounded like a slightly dim trainee police constable from The Bill, and for some reason a slack-jawed Thames estuary accent doesn't inspire confidence in someone's ability to make you relax. We lay there, giggling, as Glenn advised us in his grim monotone that we would soon be slumbering peacefully. I snorted with derision, reading the back cover text that presumably accompanies all his CD releases, which says “at the end of the track you will be brought back to full waking consciousness.” Hm. Not ideal, for a sleeping aid.

In the morning, I asked Jenny if she had been awake when the 25 minute-long track had ended. “Nope.” Nor had I. Wow. Glenn certainly knows his stuff. But annoyingly for Jenny she had woken up at 6am, and hadn't managed to get back to sleep. “You should have put the CD back on again.” “But I didn't want to disturb the neighbours.” “They'd have been glad of it. No-one can sleep in this heat with the sun streaming through the window. What you should have done is rig up a massive sound system on the roof and blasted it out across Muswell Hill.” Anyway, I hereby endorse this particular volume of Glenn Harrold's oeuvre. Next to listen to is Ultimate Guide to Overcoming Stress. His Play Great Golf CD is of less interest to me. “Lie back… relax… Now, select your club. No, not that one, you bloody idiot. You're in a bunker, for crying out loud.”

*

Jenny is about to interview Rick Stein at a posh West End hotel. Regular readers will remember that a few months ago, Stein was caught red-handed at a press do, shamelessly staring at her breasts. Contrary to all my urging, Jenny left the house this morning in a slinky black dress and high heels. “For Christ's sake don't encourage him,” I pleaded, handing her a boiler suit. “I'll be too hot,” she said, sashaying out of the front door. Hands off, Stein, you smooth bastard.