Saturday saw an important procedure being carried out in my kitchen: the rationalisation of the cutlery drawer, or, as QVC Shopping Channel might have it, my “cutlery system”. My knives, forks and spoons had become an unwieldy mass of ill-matched stainless steel, and it reached crisis point last week when Jenny, in a generous and unprompted display of skilful washing up, attempted to put all the cutlery back in the drawer at the same time, and to say it failed to fit snugly would be a crass and offensive understatement.

There have been three main points in my life when cutlery has been amassed.

1. On going to university in 1989. 6 knives, 6 forks, 6 dessert spoons, 6 teaspoons. A simple, unflashy set, suitably for a scruffy 18 year old. This served me well for many years, dealing with nothing more daunting than the occasional Pot Noodle or fruit yoghurt assortment.

2. 1995. On getting married, my wife presented me with a Hungarian set of cutlery (she was Hungarian, and probably still is.) Actually she didn't really present it, she kind of shoved it all in the drawer when I wasn't looking. Again, 6 knives, 6 forks, a few odd teaspoons, some great big tablespoons (useful for serving up gulyas, or ghoulash if your Hungarian isn't up to much.)

3. 2002. Post marriage, my flatmate Caroline left me with another set of cutlery, 6 knives, 6 forks, spoons, oh, you know. Loads of bloody cutlery.

And thus I could not move for cutlery, especially with the odd bits and pieces that you accumulate over the years, those butter knives with the ivory-looking handles, strange looking fish knives that are never used to cut up delicate portions of skate wing, but are excellent for spreading margarine on Sunblest when all other knives have been soiled… and extremely small forks, suitable for feeding children mouthfuls of scrambled egg and not much else. I have no children. I rarely have scrambled egg. I have no idea where they came from.

So, I threw out approximately 60 pieces of cutlery, and bought a smaller set of cheap knives and forks from IKEA. You may ask, what on earth was the point of that? The answer is unclear. But I'll let you know, if I ever find out.

In other news, Paul from Guided Missile Records appears to have started a livejournal, bandwagon jumper that he is. I hope he keeps up the extremely high standard that he's set in the first two posts.