Just coming home on the Jubilee line, train stops. The doors open. The doors close as a guy tries to get on. So the doors open for him. But he doesn't get on. As the doors close he tries to get on again. So the doors open yet again. The driver calls out “look, are you getting on, or not?” The guy walks up to the front of the train and assaults the driver. Blood all down his face. Jubilee line suspended. Makes me want to go and live in Gloucestershire or something. Or maybe sign up here.

The Guardian was pressing today for the banning of even hands-free mobile phone sets in cars. Makes me wonder how many accidents a year happen as a result of drivers turning up “Rainy Night In Georgia” on Heart 106.2. Or winding down their window. Or indulging in stultefyingly dull conversation with their elderly passengers. Let the campaign for all these things to be banned begin immediately, too. Oh, and gear sticks.

I think I should add that I don't have a car. But in any case, I fear I'm coming across like a middle-aged Tory. Must dash, my Pimms is getting warm.