Last night, Dave brought a ukelele to the pub. It was green, it cost 11 quid, and he’d bought it “to give me something to do over Christmas.” He brought the chords to “Help Me Rhonda” and “Ring Of Fire” on sheets of A4, and we dutifully sang half-baked versions at the the bar, much to the indifference of everyone else sat at the bar. Later, Dave went home, taking his ukelele. An Irish lesbian wants Dave to father her children, and it’s not difficult to see why.

A good day, today, because friend, pub signwriter and Half Man Half Biscuit fan Neil Bailey begins an exhibition – entitled “Curtains” – at the Oxo Tower.

The 20 pieces (representing work from the past five years) that form Bailey’s exhibition are bold, complex but refreshingly unpretentious, reflecting his unashamedly populist approach. “I’ve never struggled with the notion of whether my paintings ‘work’ or not,” he says. “People’s response to them is usually immediate, and I would hope that the pictures speak for themselves.” Certainly, anyone who appreciates a quirky style, a resolutely English sense of humour and aspects of surrealism, combined with a razor-sharp graphic sensibility, will find his work irresistible.

And I should know, cos I’ve seen it. If you’re passing at some point over the next month, do drop in.