I'm sitting on the Eurostar en route to the French capital. My plan is to attempt to calm the rioting that has been raging in the outer suburbs from the comfort of a posh hotel off the Champs Elysees. We've scored a complimentary night at the Plaza Athenée in return for a gushing description in Jenny's magazine, but then we're being kicked out, so we're staying the next night in some decrepit hole that will probably be torched to the ground by the time we arrive.

Last time we tried going to France, we had a nightmare getting there. Unbelievably, exactly the same thing happened this morning, i.e. we ordered a minicab, which never turned up. The main difference was that this time our wide-eyed panic was replaced with gentle sighing, as we knew that if we stayed calm we'd make it, possibly with enough time to pop into Marks & Spencer for an overpriced sandwich.

Anyway. Here I am. A very large American woman is sitting nearby snoring an incredible volume, surrounded by her family who seem unable to hear it, that particular range of their hearing obviously having been worn away after years of abuse.

The last two nights I have attended gigs, rather like a young person would. On Tuesday I saw my pal Toby Slater's new band, who have a two-drummer line-up and are embracing the Burundi beat in the hope of riding on the coat-tails of a Bow Wow Wow revival. They were supported by a rubbish band whose name I forget, and one of the members of which chose to indulge in a series of ludicrous rock-god poses while playing something that was roughly the size and shape of a ZX Spectrum with 2 wires hanging out of it. It looked ridiculous. Last night there was a wonderful bill at The Spitz, ending with Father Of Boon, the Keith John Adams Trio providing the sandwich filling, and kicking off with Stuffy and The Fuses. It's the first time I've seen them with their new keyboard player, who indulged in similarly ridiculous onstage contortion while bent over a vintage organ. Some instruments just aren't designed for rock posturing, and I should know, I play the bassoon.