I’ve been trawling through a pile of old notebooks. My preferred brand is a maroon coloured A6 spiral bound book, sold by Viking Direct, catalogue number VKM680. Anyway, I just came across this, scrawled in barely legible handwriting.

Scene: Suburban flat. Man and woman having quiet evening in. Woman sitting on floor, doing jigsaw. Man gets up from sofa and goes to bathroom. Man returns approximately 20 seconds later.

Woman [glances up, looks incredibly shocked]: Oh my god. I thought… I thought you were dead!
Man: Er, no.
Woman: But… Oh, I’m sorry, but I have a new family now. [camera pans across to another man and two children now sitting together on sofa watching TV.]

How the world of comedy has managed to cope without this sketchlet, I’m not sure. Still, it’s out there now, so if any members of the Titty Bang Bang writing team want it, feel free to help yourself, it’ll cost you £20, thanks.

Other news: an unedited, unabridged Cyberman column for 19th April 2006 is readable here, a lovely Time Out write-up of next Monday’s Scritti gig is here, and my “onstage time” on Thursday at Wimbledon Library is apparently 7pm, if anyone was foolish enough to attempt to traverse London after work.