A bullet point summary, I think. 1) I’ve just had a gaudy mailshot pushed through the door with my address on it, but marked for the attention of “Pizza Lover”, which I’m considering adopting as a pseudonym, despite being at best slightly ambivalent about pizza. 2) I interviewed Vic Reeves for the Radio Times last Thursday, on the subject of pirates. He knows a lot about pirates, and seems slightly obsessed by them, although at the end he did admit that they were basically “a band of itinerants sailing around and deciding to rob people.” 3) I’ve been watching more episodes of Le Breton Gourmand, and last night’s effort – set in Rennes – contained the memorable exchange:

A: I want to seee you sweat.
B: It’s not an inferno, but a paradise here.
A: Leave the lid like this, and open the oven door.
B: It’s very good that I have muscles.
A: A piece of butter.
B: [intelligible] here in Brittany.
A: Exactly. How rough.
B: How rough, nice boy.
A: Frankly said, not bad.

I was going to say that I couldn’t be bothered to put this particular one up on YouTube, but the temptation proved too strong, so here it is. Le Breton Gourmand is fast becoming my new favourite thing, seeing off persistently strong challenges from Chris Ditchburn on Live Roulette. Where was I? Oh yes, 4) Bands who name themselves after things you regularly see on signposts because they thing it’ll give them extra publicity. sexyworld fell into this very trap when he called his last band Cash Machine. Other culprits include Firehose, and Hatfield And The North. Then there was a jazz band at my old university called Mind The Gap, and a Czech band The Keatons once played with called Wet Paint (or the Czech translation thereof.) Similarly sourced band names that have hereforetofore been unclaimed include “Plants For Sale Enquire Within”, “Car Boot Sale This Sunday” and “Unlokc Al Mobbiles Only £5″.

5) Songs that masquerade as romantic epics, but are in fact about the adoration of a toddler, and will surely be subject to a vigorous campaign by the News Of The World at some point in the near future. Frequent use of the word “baby” tends to add to the double-entendre. Culprits include “Save All Your Kisses For Me” by the Brotherhood Of Man, “Isn’t She Lovely” by Stevie Wonder, “Clair” by Gilbert O’Sullivan, “Loving You” by Minnie Riperton… and so it goes on. Ban This Filth! 6) I was at a gig on Saturday night with several men who I used to write to when I was a teenager because I liked their awkward, scratchy music. Jer from Dawson, Wilf from the Dog Faced Hermans, Ajay from Dandelion Adventure and Alan Brown from Big Flame. It made me feel a bit old, not least because they all looked younger than I do. 7) Jenny and I made a last minute dash to the shops in the car on Sunday to beat the 5pm Sainsburys shutdown, and then ended up just driving – just to get out of the house. We ended up in Godalming. I’ve no idea why. Sights ranged from the pictureque – a baby swan, for example – to the grim, in particular a creepy cottage which had the phrase “this house is lived in” scrawled on the shutters. Brr.