So, I'm here writing a thing and trying to think of the name of a particular type of hat that is exclusively worn by old men. I saw a stack of them (hats, not men) in a shop earlier in the week, and I need to put a name to the damn thing. I tried looking for 's excellent hat quiz from a few months back, but couldn't find it. So I'm stuck.

In these situations, one turns to the internet, in particular the little known hatsuk.com. On visiting I was immediately drawn to a hyperlink with the label What Is A Hat? As you'll see, it fills in any gaps you might have had in your knowledge about what objects conform to hattishness. I particularly like the list of reasons why people might wear a hat, including:

“To convey a message”

The message being, presumably: “HAT”.

God. I've just read on. “A hat is the article of clothing most closely to the brain and to many the hat is a very special item.” They don't mention that on days when hats are not worn, the article of clothing nearest to the brain is the coat. Or the shirt, if it's warm. Think of the significance of that. i know. I need to sit down.