As most of you will know, the magic of Christmas tends to wear off throughout your twenties, and by the time you’re 34 you find it difficult to think of anything you might want for Christmas – at least, anything you might want that someone can actually afford to get you. My father neatly sidestepped this problem on Christmas morning, by giving me a CD-R which contained a 40 page Word document, entitled “My Autobiography”. Not many people will have received their Dad’s autobiography for Christmas, except perhaps the long-suffering children of B-list celebrities who received a remaindered copy of their Dad’s ghost-written, low-selling tome as a pathetic stocking filler. It was an illuminating read, piecing together bits of information I vaguely knew, and other bits that I didn’t, into a coherent timeline of events. One thing I didn’t know was that the subject he studied at college was called Heavy Craft, incorporating woodwork, metalwork and so on. He went on to become a teacher, but these days, of course, the subjects of woodwork and metalwork have long since evaporated. On page 32, he says:

The whole discipline of ‘craftsmanship’ is rapidly disappearing. Even teachers now going into schools to teach ‘Technology’ have no appreciation of tools, machinery and materials. Is it any wonder this country has lost 1m manufacturing jobs in the last 10 years? Very soon most, if not all, craft skills will be lost since there will be no one left to teach them.

My father would probably not be encouraged by the Create And Craft hour, a programme on the Ideal World shopping channel which aims to open to us a whole new world, a whole new world of craft. Ideal World’s concept of craft is, as you might expect, somewhat different to my fathers. No hints on using bandsaws, or creating modest items of household furniture and decorative fruit bowls. No, the craft of today is essentially about sticking bits of paper together with glue. The Create and Craft hour contains all kinds of paper and glue, suitable for all the family, and provides limitless paper and glue combinations, whetting the appetites of a new generation of craftsmen and craftswomen. “Look at this stencil,” says the hyperactive TV presenter. “Just imagine how useful this stencil is going to be!” She holds up a pink piece of plastic with various flower shaped holes cut into it, a stencil on which the hopes of Britain's manufacturing industry ultimately rest. “821311 is your item number for this fantastic stencil, so call us on 0800 500 600, or go tippy tappy time on your computer to www.createandcraft.tv.” You don’t receive many invitations to go tippy tappy time on your computer these days, but somehow I managed to resist the temptation, glued as I was to a screen bursting with Flourescent Sparkle Bright Self Adhesive, and Fairy Crystal Glitter Paint. These products enable you to write magic messages of love to your nearest and dearest, that might elicit a “that’s nice”, before being placed on the mantelpiece for a couple of days at most, before being chucked in the bin. Today’s craft, you see, just isn’t built to last.

You’ve never seen as many beautiful stickers as you have on Create and Craft hour, and the presenter tell us that she has 101 uses for these stickers, which presumably begin with sticking the sticker onto things, and end god KNOWS where. The “Celebrate” sticker set features 47 stickers bearing words like “Wish”, “Party”, “Happy” and “Togetherness”. The “Friends and Love” set is awesome to behold, featuring phrases such as “Sending You Love”, “Just For You” and “I Love You So Much.” What could possibly say “I Love You So Much” better than a glittery sticker with the words “I Love You So Much” pre-embossed on it? I’m hard pushed to think of anything.

A butterfly sticker set is accompanied by the words “Explore”, “Happiness” and “Dreams”, while the flower set says to us things like “Cherish”, “Forever” and “Eternal”. Sadly, the sticker set which features the words “Bollard”, “Manure” and “Pardon?” and bears images of soulless office blocks must have sold out long ago. The capacity for creativity afforded by these products maybe isn’t quite as enormous as The Create and Craft Hour would like us to think.

As the hour draws to a close, we’re taught the 12 Core Techniques of making greetings cards, and shown a book which tells us that “Anyone can do craft!” All you need, it seems, is some of Erica’s Patchwork Paper, and a Tiny Tints Mini Ink Set and Paper Toppings Kit. “Tearing is the new cutting,” says the presenter, tearing a piece of paper into magnificently irregular shapes. Meanwhile, my father wanders out of the living room in disgust, and goes out to the shed to switch on his lathe. “Where will the next generation of craftsmen come from?” he asks plaintively in his autobiography. I don’t have an answer for him. I certainly feel adequately prepared to colour in neatly using felt tip pens. But if I ever need to have a nesting set of occasional tables specially made, I think I’ll be asking my dad for a great deal of assistance.