It’s a fact that most women who have received a marriage proposal wish it had been a bit more romantic. Etiquette manuals are flung aside as men avoid going down on one knee in favour of muttering “how about it?” when you’re both slumped on a sofa watching repeats of The Good Life. Today’s rules of courtship may be so lax as to permit holding hands during Lent, but 29th February still remains a girl’s only chance to show us how the question should be popped.

A good line is important. “Will you marry me?” is solid but unimaginative; “Will you do me the honour of becoming my husband?” is archaic and may provoke laughter. You could just present a fait accompli: “We’re getting married. June 1st. Dress smart, or else.” Surprise is also key; having The Observer carry a full page colour ad of you with an appropriate speech bubble is ideal, but won’t leave much change out of £32,000. Maybe hire a biplane to tow your declaration of love across the sky, keeping a pair of binoculars handy in case of bad weather. Or attach your proposal to a gigantic inflatable champagne bottle, tethered securely to his front gate to ensure that early morning shock factor.

There are budget options. Disconnect the battery of his car, and scratch MARRY ME in capital letters inside the bonnet. He’ll find it soon enough, and if not, a friendly RAC man will let him know. Get his local pub to stick a “Wanted: For Wedding” poster above the urinals – not a glitzy approach, but one that’ll catch him at his most vulnerable. You could propose via the electronic scoreboard at the Carling Cup Final, or, to save cash, take him stock car racing at Wimbledon Stadium and use their smaller version. But be wary of going down on your knees in front of him in public. It can look somewhat sluttish to the casual bystander.

You may think you know your man better than we do, but some just want to be treated like a lady. Choose a diamond at Wint & Kidd in Notting Hill, drop it into a rose and place it on his breakfast tray, after first securing permission for the marriage from his dad. He’ll be like confetti in your hands. And remember, if the original Scottish law which started this tradition in 1288 is adhered to properly, refusal will result in him paying a hefty fine. You can’t lose.