I had an excited call from Keith last night. He'd been to see someone who had agreed to do some press to publicise his stunning acoustic pop efforts, and in the guy's office was an old chap sprawled on the sofa, half asleep. They carried on with the meeting regardless, and during a lull in the conversation Keith looked around, to see, hanging on the wall, a Hall & Oates platinum disc. “Hall & Oates!” trilled Keith, thrilled to bits – because he knows, as I do, that the groundswell of public opinion will shortly elevate them to the top of the charts where they belong. “Yeah, it's that album with 'Out Of Touch' on it, er.. 'Big Bam Boom'…”, replied the publicist. “… You see that guy asleep on the sofa?” “Yep,” said Keith, who was only too aware of his presence. “Well, he produced it.”

And then, at a comedy gig the same evening, Keith saw a young funnyman (as they're known) get heckled by someone in the front row, shouting “Hall and Oates!”. I tell you, this thing is spreading. You read it here first.

On the tube this morning I was distracted by a couple entwined across the armrests, making gentle kissing and slurping noises. She was a lot more enthusiastic than he, lying back slightly with her mouth open much like a young starling chick awaiting food from its mother. The guy became still less enthusiastic when he glanced up from his task to see a carriage full of people rolling their eyes. She didn't notice, however, and remained slumped back in her seat, while tugging on his sleeve to keep going. Poor guy.

The Sun reveals on its front page this morning that porn channel presenter and ex-girlfriend of John Leslie, Abi Titmus, would sleep with various famous, good looking people, were she given the chance. It's a highly controversial viewpoint, and one that gains even more weighty significance when accompanied, as it is, with pictures of her in a wet t-shirt, sat astride a throbbing jetski. Loathsome self-publicising bint.

And speaking of the word “bint”, discussions were had at 's pubwarming event last night as to the status of this word. I would pitch it somewhere akin to “bitch” or “cow”. But, as I remember, Rose sought to reclaim it as something not a million miles away from “woman”. Would sound good on the news. “A bint from the Department of the Environment sought to dispel rumours that…” or “A 32-year old bint from Gloucester broke the world landspeed record last night.” Yes.

Right. Off to buy a house for a pound.