As per many other people, I have finally succumbed to a mild cold, which I imagined last night would become a raging torrent of mucus and a painfully swelling bonce come the morning. It didn't. I just feel a bit rubbish. At the first sign of sneezing yesterday evening, flatmate ran off to eat a load of zinc, to protect himself. Well, he didn't run, he kind of lumbered. There was no need to rush. The zinc wasn't going anywhere.

Before the sneezing I sat with aforementioned Mr World and Jenny watching grim television news bulletins and discussing puns. Paul explained that he doesn't get to sleep very easily because he's lying there thinking of puns. And in the morning he sits bolt upright, thinking of puns. So he gets about 4-5 hours sleep a night, which isn't enough for a growing lad. “How are you feeling?” asked Jenny. “F*cking knackered,” replied Paul. He got stuck into his gin as a consolation, and his drunkenness combined with my slight cold-induced delirium came up with a fantastic idea: remake Mutiny On The Bounty with ET playing Captain Bligh, and call it MutinET on the BountET. Commission x 1.

I struggled bravely into work and passed a poster on the underground advertising a big 80s Christmas party. The theme: Bucks Fizz. I ask you: would you pay good money to go to a party consisting of -

Making your mind up
Land of Make Believe
My camera never lies
If you can't stand the heat
New Beginning

- because I bloody wouldn't. Although I'd be quite keen to hear New Beginning, if only to chortle with laughter as I reacquaint myself with the couplet “New Beginning / has just begun.”

Shortly after seeing the poster, I saw a human being at the top of the escalator, advertising . The theme: . I ask you: would you pay good money to go to a party consisting of ?