I like “I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here”. Well, I like the monotony of life in the camp, and look forward to putting it on as I'm going to bed and watching people looking for a stick, or deciding whether or not to put an onion in a pot. I'm less keen on the spectacle of faded names from the world of entertainment rolling around in piles of insects in order to win meals. It's interesting (well, mildly) that many of these people are at their most watchable and engender the most sympathy when they almost forget that the cameras are rolling. Joe Pasquale is at his zenith, for example, while he's yawning and scratching his chin. He's never matched it before with his comedy routines, and will never do so again. But right now, I quite like him. Just hold that pose, Joe. Hold it.

One of the contestants is Nancy Sorrell, an underwear model married to Vic Reeves, aka Jim Moir. She's occasionally described in the press as Reeves' new “writing partner”, which is somewhat surprising as the woman is thick. Just incredibly thick. If one didn't have the words “underwear model” emblazoned across ones mind as you watch her walk around, talking loudly and incessantly for no reason, you'd wonder what Vic Reeves ever saw in her. But then again, he was quoted in Hello magazine – right after the wedding – that it was very important to him to have a partner who was very good looking. Fair enough, I suppose. Thing is, to pep up a show with barely any big names in it, they've just flown Vic aka Jim into the jungle to be with his wife, and suddenly we're exposed to the inner workings of their relationship, which almost reaches up to school playground level. Last night, Nancy & Jim stole a moment to kiss each other, after which they both let loose a wailing sound not dissimilar to Jimmy Savile's Tarzan impression. Well, you know, whatever lights your candle. Nancy turned to Brian from E17 and says “Oh, we always do that when we kiss each other!” As if Brian would be impressed, and indeed spurred on to include it in his own love rituals. But Brian just rolled his eyes. “Thanks for that.”

Thing is, Vic aka Jim is a very funny, intelligent bloke. Overhearing his wife and Brian discussing their hunger, and the possibility of perhaps cooking and eating Vic because he's got a bit of meat on him, Vic displayed his talent for lateral thinking.

Vic: Well, you should know that I'm about 13 and a half stone, so remember that's 20 minutes per pound, plus 20 minutes.
Nancy: What?
Brian: Yep, that's quite a long time, then.
Nancy: Huh?
Vic: Mmm, probably about 3 or 4 days.
Nancy: We're talking about eating you, Jim.

On the ball, Nancy. Presumably Vic must be happy touting a blonde underwear model on his arm who can't understand his jokes. It's odd, as making jokes is really Vic's USP. At least Vic is able to fully enjoy Nancy's USP: being a blonde underwear model. Anyway, all I'm saying it's a bit of a mismatch, isn't it. And I'm not particularly looking forward to her co-writing comedy contributions to Vic's' scripts. “What?”