I'm still trying to get a new kitchen put into my flat. I don't have the money, but The Woolwich will undoubtedly look upon it as a sound investment. And if they saw the state of my draining board, they'd probably lend me enough to hire a Bulgarian student to come and do the cleaning on a regular basis. There was an initial burst of frenetic activity last summer when a Polish builder called Mirek came around, measured up, came back, checked his measurements, and then promptly disappeared off the face of the earth. On the rare occasions he has answered his phone, he has said “Oh, you did not receive my plans?” and when I have said “no”, he has replied “I have had high blood pressure.” I still haven't had the plans, and he might still be experiencing high blood pressure, so I'm enlisting the services of healthier builder who comes round tomorrow morning to assess the situation.

Interesting fact: if you want a slimline dishwasher – say, 45cm wide – it costs about £150 more than a regular sized one. I'm used to paying less for things that come in smaller packages. Funsize confectionery, for example. The only time I can think of when this rule hasn't applied is when I booked Kylie Minogue to sing at my birthday party, which cost an arm and a leg.

I read this article over someone's shoulder on the tube this morning. As someone who found themselves an extra £14,000 overdrawn on their mortgage account because of card fraud, it's a topic close to my heart. A spokesman from a company who supplies Chip & PIN technology, says “Fraudsters can disable the chip, for instance by smacking it with a hammer.” He says there's a case, therefore, for disallowing signatures at tills. I think there's more of case for confiscating hammers, or even holding a hammer amnesty. My mother certainly isn't happy with Chip & PIN as a concept; in her local supermarket the PIN console is situated at around eye level, leaving her unable to shield the keying in of her PIN from prying eyes. They may as well film the entire transaction and project it on the front of the building.