Because of my tangential relationship with Glasgow art-rockers and off-beat-hi-hat revivalists Franz Ferdinand, I tend to get quite a lot of begging letters in my PO Box addressed to them. Some of them just ask for cash, but most of them take the following format:

Note how Mr Schwindt has emphasised the word YOU with green marker pen, in order to melt the hearts of those talented young men from north of the border. Also notice how he has underlined the word ORIGINAL, to ensure that he receives a set of autographs that he can flog for a tidy sum on eBay for the outlay of a mere stamped addressed envelope.

I don't know if Paul, Bob or Alex are reading this, but I'm afraid I throw them all in the bin. Sorry, lads. On the offchance that you do respond positively to begging letters, er, what's your address? Cheers.