Now you can make your own Big Prawn And Spinach Sandwich!

Make sandwich.

Of course, it doesn't say this – if only – it goes on for ages about how “new can be scary” and how “you can try our exciting recipes at home” before going on to wish us “Good luck” and “lots of love” and listing all the hoops that must be jumped through in order to make a sandwich. Patronising cretins. We know how to make a sandwich. If for some bizarre reason we had forgotten, we could pull apart one of your mayonnaise-slathered creations and attempt to work it out for ourselves. Direction number Six instructs me to cut the sandwich in half diagonally with a sharp knife. But I prefer mine cut lengthwise. I don't know how to proceed, Pret A Manger. Please help.

“If you find ways of improving our recipes, we'd love to hear from you. Come to think of it, we'd love to hear from you anyway. Whatever it is you'd like to talk to us about.” Pret A Manger, however, provide no contact details. It's probably just as well. Now, to cut myself in half, diagonally, with a sharp knife.