Sweet relief: it’s time for the Affordable Art Fair to swing into town once again. I’ve scarcely been able to cope over the last 12 months, confronted at every turn with art that’s priced way out of my league. But now they’re having a big Art Sale, everything must go, all items priced £3,000 and under. Phew. I’ve been to this event before, and it’s swamped with people desperately trawling for bargains, feeling somewhat misled by the word “Affordable”. Without wishing to get all Class War on your collective asses, £3,000 isn’t affordable, really, is it. Nothing over £50 is affordable, as far as I’m concerned, and that goes for anything – food, cars, houses. They should rename the thing “£3,000 & Under Art Fair”, just to make it clear. Or, better still “Three Thousand Poundstretcher”.

Thank you for your advice on crontabs, earlier. I’ll take the plunge back into the Mac OS X Terminal later on, and enjoy that feeling of power that I wield that I could not only delete the entire internet but also everyone connected to it. My mother emailed me to advise me that she didn’t know what a crontab was, but that I should try using the word “eleemosynary”, which she came across last week. Apparently it means something to do with charity, as in the phrase “what do you think I am, a f*cking eleemosynary institution?” which I’ll now be employing regularly.

I saw “I Walk The Line” last night. I was disappointed that in the scene when Johnny Cash goes to the bank to cash a cheque, neither he nor the cashier see fit to make a droll comment, reducing the cinema audiences to helpless laughter. You know? Because his name is Cash? And he’s trying to get some cash? Ah, forget it. They could have done it earlier in the film, too, when he was struggling and had no cash. But his name was Cash. No sense of humour, some people.