I was in such a rush to moan about my broken laptop that I forgot several incredibly important details about the journey to Sweden. We came here for a surprise 40th birthday party for Jenny’s brother, and, incredibly, the secret was kept – even by his two young kids of 9 and 11. Quite a feat. It was a good job that I live in a different country to him, because I’m hopeless at keeping secrets and the only surefire way of stopping me blurting out a secret is to position me several hundred miles away from the person who isn’t supposed to know the secret. I’d also be a terrible person to throw a surprise party for, because I’m extremely suspicious by nature and would immediately rumble any funny business. Despite all this, I enjoy a surprise do, and welcomed the subterfuge.

We flew in to Copenhagen, because Easyjet’s options for flying into Malmö either involve getting up in the small hours of the morning, or going to bed in the small hours of the morning. The small hours of the morning should be spent slumbering peacefully, as far as I’m concerned, so Denmark + train it was. The first thing I saw at Copenhagen airport was my friend Richie Dempsey, currently drummer of the majestic DeSalvo. “What are you doing here?” we said to each other, in unison. He, it turned out, was roadie-ing for The Sensational Alex Harvey Band. The second thing I saw was a rock’n'roll derelict who I assumed was Alex Harvey, until just now, when I looked him up and found out that he died over 20 years ago. The Dead Alex Harvey Band doesn’t have much of a ring to it, does it. But still more of an attractive proposition than if a certain former E17 vocalist formed The Sensational Brian Harvey Band. The stage show would probably consist of him being attacked with a machete, losing a record contract, overdosing on sleeping pills and rounding off by eating three jacket potatoes and running over himself with a Mercedes. Thank you, and goodnight.