At about 2am this morning, everything seemed unspeakably grim. Jenny woke me up with the terrible news that I was snoring like a bastard, and that with about five hours until the alarm went off, it would probably be a better alternative for me to lie awake quietly, feeling slightly stressed. The factors that cause snoring are a complete mystery to me. I mean, obviously if I were a lithe 11 stone creature, my soft palate probably wouldn’t vibrate like a Hotpoint washing machine. But some nights I don’t, and some nights I do. Alcohol doesn’t appear to be much of a factor. It’s a mystery, as Toyah once sang, although she wasn’t referring to my snoring, I mean for god’s sake I was only nine years old at the time.

I’m slightly concerned about this video shoot on Saturday. Westminster Council have just doubled the cost of making it at a stroke by demanding a certain number of hundred pounds to allow us to film in Embankment Gardens, a location perfect for the lovingly-crafted storyboards. If it were any other council, I probably wouldn’t mind as much, but Westminster. Moneygrabbing fools. Don’t they understand the spirit of DIY Music? No? Oh, OK, fair enough. If I were likely to sell enough MP3s to cover the cost, that would be OK, but if I did sell that many MP3s, I’d probably be hovering in the lower reaches of the Top 40. And if that happened, there would be something wrong.

I have to drive to Shepperton in a bit, in order to pick up 3 fake-glass Perrier bottles for the exciting climax of the video. When I ordered them over the phone, the guy at the studio said “When will you be collecting them?” Collecting? Ouch. Where from? “Well, you can either get them from Shepperton, or from Devon.” Right. I suppose that even these days, when everything that isn’t cemented to the floor can be delivered to your door, you have to remember that some things are breakable. Among those items are sugar-glass Perrier bottles. And if Royal Mail can’t deliver a teatowel without it being snapped in half, what hope for theatrical props?

Oh, and don’t mention the weather. BBC say it’s going to be a bit cloudly. By which I obviously mean cloudy. AccuWeather.com, who provide the weather forecast on my sumptuous Mac OS X dashboard, say that it’s going to lash it down like a bastard. My heart is with the Beeb, my nerves are with AccuWeather.com.