In order to plan ahead and get hold of albums to review for future issues of The London Line, we use play.com to assist us. It's not always correct, but it gives us a pretty good idea, in the absence of being bombarded with information from PRs who don't even know we exist.

The oddest thing about the site, however, is their extraordinary leaning towards gloom-metal. Here's a selection of forthcoming releases which are high in their list (i.e. supposedly “popular”):

The Agony Scene – The Darkest Red
Bloodsimple – A Cruel World
Nihilist – Nihilist
Impaled Nazarene – Death Comes In 26 Carefully Selected Pieces
Nifelheim – Servants Of Darkness
Tiamat – Sumerian Cry
Overmars – Affliction, Endocrine, Vertigo
Funeral Dress – Come On Follow
Utuk Xul – Goat Of The Black Possession
Cryptopsy – Blasphemy Made Flesh
Freaks Union – Songs From Despair
Beyond The Flesh – What The Mind Perceives

Hahaha. Honestly. I've just started typing out this list, and just realised that all the above records are released on Monday. Hahaha. Let's move on a week.

Trivium – Ember To Inferno
My Dying Bride – Anti-Diluvian Chronicles (3CD)
Amen – Gun Of A Preacherman
Peccatum – The Moribund People
Shadow Gallery – Room V
Sentenced – The Funeral Album
Brand New Sin – Recipe For Disaster
Rebellion – Sagas Of Iceland

Oh, man, my sides hurt. Haha. I note that Saxon have a new album out, too. Hang on, we're still on 30th May:

Biomechanical – The Empires Of The Worlds
Black Flame Dispute – Portrait Of The Human Condition
Dam – Purity: The Darwinian Paradox
Malevolent Creation – Retrospective
Kryoburn – Enigmatic Existence
Enemy Is Us – We Have Seen The Enemy And The Enemy Is Us
Marduk – Dark Endless
Searing Window – Corroding From The Inside
Secret Sphere – Heart And Anger
Virus – Sick Of Lies
Timeless Miracle – Into The Enchanted Chamber
Slagmark – Eradication
Mattsson – War
Arch Nemesis – Of Mind And Fantasy
Enthroned – Black Goat Ritual: Live In The Flesh
Hacride – Deviant Current Signals
Misery Index / Commit Suicide – Split
Capharnuam – Fractured
Disruption – Face The Wall
Co-Exist – Surgical Removal Of The Teeth, Toenails And The Drilling Of The Kneecaps
Eternal Elysium – Share
Spiritu – Spiritu
All Else Failed – This Never Happened
Lumsk – Troll
Watchmaker – Kill F*cking Everyone
Hate Forest – Sorrow
Grotesque – In The Embrace Of Evil
Melek-Tha – Evil Is Too Strong
Necrophorus – Gathering Composed Thoughts

For maximum enjoyment, may I suggest using the following sentence and replacing the artist and album title with any of the above:

“Hello? Yes, I'm after a record called Corroding From The Inside, by, er, Searing Window…. You don't? Oh, OK. Thanks anyway…. Yes, I know…. I know it is. Thanks. Bye.”

Oh, goodness, that was fun. So much fun. And that's just a fortnight's worth. Who are all these bands?