From today's Independent:

Dutch researchers persuaded 13 couples to have sex while either the man or the woman had their head encased in a PET brain scanner at the University Of Groningen.

I found this sentence fascinating for a number of reasons. I wondered how the Dutch researchers might have got hold of recruits. Perhaps the direct approach is best, I don't know.

“Hi! I wondered if you and your partner would like to have sex while having your head encased in a PET brain scanner at the University Of Groningen?”
“Certainly. When would you like us to attend?”
“Tomorrow?”
“Excellent. See you then. Oh, by the way – do you provide the PET brain scanner?”
“We certainly do, madam.”
“Good.”

Or perhaps a more cryptic approach would work.

“Hi! Have you ever had sex while having your head encased in a PET brain scanner at the University Of Groningen?”
“No.”

“Would you like to?”
“Well, yes I would.”

You often see features in cheap magazines – and, indeed, in expensive magazines – asking people “where's the weirdest place you've had sex?” Journalism graduates on work experience are sent out to bars, hoping to elucidate answers like “on the Orient Express”, or “in Uri Geller's jacuzzi” or “Leicester”. If any readers are ever asked this question, I beg you to answer “while having my head encased in a PET brain scanner at the University of Groningen.” They won't press you for further details, and if they do, well, just make it up. Use your imagination. The University of Groningen isn't that difficult a place to visualise, surely. Just lie back and think of the University of Groningen.

The thing about having your head encased in a PET brain scanner at Groningen University is that, presumably, your partners features are obscured. I've no idea if a PET brain scanner has a hole in the front where moans of ecstasy could escape from ones lips, but probably not. When scientists invented the brain scanner, being able to give the person a big kiss during the scanning procedure probably wasn't high on the list of priorities. So, that established, you could presumably engage in no-hold-barred sexual activity with uncomplaining strangers, if that's the kind of thing you're into. Sellotape a picture of someone you desire to the front of the PET brain scanner and let nature take its course. The University of Groningen could become a hotbed of sexual activity, as the spotty, cross-eyed or plain adventurous could suddenly have access to large numbers of random sexual partners At No Cost. In fact, the University of Groningen probably provides tea and biscuits to sweeten the deal. It's a bargain. So, the next time you feel a stirring in your loins, don't spend time and money on perfume, expensive clothing, alcohol, pheremonal sprays, breath fresheners. Get yourself down to the University Of Groningen, and get your head encased in a PET brain scanner. Soon the procedure will become synoymous with act of sex itself. Forget “spending the night together” or “making the beast with two backs”.

- Darling? Would you like to have your head encased in a PET brain scanner at the University Of Groningen?
- Oh, darling…
- Oh, I want to encase your head in a PET brain scanner at the University of Groningen like I've never encased your head in a PET brain scanner at the University Of Groningen before.
- Take me, darling. I'm yours.