I'm nearly not here at all, you know. A very odd man was driving the 43 bus from Muswell Hill to Highgate yesterday afternoon, at about 5.15pm. I only had £10.20 to pay the £1.20 fare to Highgate, so I gave him the cash, and he said “take a seat, I'll give you your change at Highgate.” Obedient as ever, I sat down, only to ponder extensively about why on earth I agreed to his plan, and didn't demand the cash there and then. If he didn't have the change at Muswell Hill, he wasn't likely to have accumulated it by Highgate (approximately 7 stops.) I played out a scenario in my mind where we got to Highgate, and I asked for the change, only for him to say “Change? What do you mean, change? Who are you?”, while the passengers on the bus got increasingly irritated with ME for holding them up. And then me being forced to get off the bus to continue my journey, to see the bus driver pocketing 9 quid and tipping me a cheeky wink.

Anyway, I don't know whether he was hoping to kill all his passengers and make off with not only their bus fares but also anything he could salvage from their bodies, but this guy drove to Highgate like a maniac. I mean, really speeding. That road has sharp bends and speed bumps, and he must have been going at 50mph. A woman upstairs screamed, and I raised my eyebrows to a pensioner sitting next to me, who said “They bring it on themselves, don't they,” to which I said “Yes” even though I didn't have a clue what she was on about. A man came down from the top deck to berate the driver. “Would you f*cking slow down? People are getting scared, here!” “I was only doing 30,” replied the driver. “No you f*cking weren't,” retorted the bloke, who was starting to get rather menacing. I chose this moment to try and get my £9 back, while these two men were screaming at each other. I finally got the money, turned to the people on the bus and said “I hope you all reach your destinations safely,” before getting off and thinking “God, that made me sound like a complete idiot.”

I bought the Guardian style guide, to provide some amusement and perhaps to learn something. I'm about 1/3 of the way through, and only have one argument to pick, with this entry:

band names
lower case the: the Beatles, the Black Eyed Peas, the The; but uc equivalents in other languages, eg Les Négresses Vertes, Los Lobos.

Is it me, or does the The look completely ridiculous? What possible reason could they have for not writing The Jam, for example?