A recent survey revealed that almost two thirds of people using social networking websites feel frustrated and confused by the unwritten etiquette. That reliable source of taste and decency, Debrett’s, leapt to our aid last week with five bullet-point guidelines we ought to follow – but they left several potential pitfalls woefully uncovered. So here’s a more comprehensive look at how not to get irritated, or indeed irritate others, while you’re social networking.

A little mystery goes a long way
Social networks are no place for anyone who wants to remain mysterious and enigmatic. The sites are designed to leech as much information out of us as possible so that adverts can be targetted at us more effectively; if you mention that you’re single, you’ll be subjected to ads for dating sites, and if you reveal that you’re allergic to cats, you’ll probably be teased with antihistamine popups. But how much information is too much? Some people won’t even reveal their name, preferring to call themselves Babylicious or Speedfreak; a disadvantage could be that Speedfreak’s friends might not be able to find him – although, of course, that might suit Speedfreak just fine. Beware of public “just for fun” questionnaires whose completion instantly reveals to everyone that, say, you’ve got Chlamydia – and also the lure of blogging tools that offer an easy way for you to diarise your addiction to online webcam strip poker, while forgetting that all your friends are reading every word.

Your friends have egos, too
If you have a photo of a pal urinating in a phone box, show sensitivity towards him by only uploading the pictures that you took before he got hammered on cheap cocktails. Or, if you’re feeling particularly compassionate, just let him decide which photos of the day of his divorce hearing should appear online. Similarly, don’t inadvertently splurge other people’s personal details; for example, innocuous public messages such as “Sorry to hear that you had to spend your 40th birthday in traction after failing to vault naked over a Nissan Micra” can cause unintended embarrassment on a number of levels. Also, avoid those social networking features that allow you to showcase your “top” friends. You may as well line up all your chums against a wall and subject them to the humiliation of being arranged in order of preference.

Friends do, in fact, equal kudos
Debrett’s say that accumulating friends online isn’t a competition. This is, of course, hogwash. MySpace, Bebo, Facebook, LinkedIn and the rest all pander to our most pathetic innermost desire to appear popular by giving an highly visible tally of contacts and umpteen tools to push that figure as high as possible. They allow you to easily send friend invitations to everyone in your email address book – but wait! If yours is anything like mine, it’ll contain the customer service desk for your ISP, your council’s waste management department and your landlord – none of whom will want to reciprocate. If you’re truly desperate, there are enough people masquerading as celebrities for you to bump up your quota with the ironic placement of Jensen Button or Thora Hird on your friends list.

Avoid e-misunderstandings
You’d have thought, wouldn’t you, that after ten years or more of communicating with each other online, we’d have got the hang of sending simple messages without conveying precisely the opposite meaning. Without that reassuring face-to-face contact, online paranoia becomes rife; an ill-judged phrase such as “Haha, you looked gorgeous at Carina’s party”, while possibly intended as heartfelt, actually comes across as loaded with sarcasm. And while “Steve, you wanker” might be a common form of cheery address down the pub accompanied with backslapping and lager spilling, on Facebook it’s as good as inviting someone outside for a scrap in a pay-and-display car park.

Don’t mix business with pleasure
Your list of social networking buddies will grow into an unholy collection of people who, in everyday life, you’d probably go to great lengths to keep well apart. Your work colleagues and your mates will become tangentially aware of each other, and if you’ve taken great care to construct an industrious, hard-working persona in the office, it’s going to surprise your line manager when he discovers that you’re a louche, foul-mouthed waster with a penchant for Brazilian porn and ketamine. More terrifying, however, is the shock of receiving a friend request from a parent. If you deny it, you’ll be seen as secretive. If you accept, your mum will know immediately why you’ve been so secretive all these years. Facebook’s “Compare People” application recently asked a friend of mine which of two of her friends they’d rather sleep with: the choice was between her brother and her dad. Enough said.

Don’t overload your diary
Debrett’s stress that birthdays should be treated as real events, not virtual ones. Send a card, they say. Debrett’s must either have a pathetically tiny list of friends, or shares in Hallmark, because this advice is impossible to follow. You’re kept informed about dozens of birthdays of people who you’d never consider inviting into your home, let alone sending a card to – so why not dash off a two-word greeting? It’ll give the birthday boy or girl a momentary lift, and make you feel marginally better about yourself. More of a dilemma are the sumptuous range of social opportunities that suddenly float your way a result of your click-happy friending policy. Each one comes with an RSVP. Do you say you’ll attend, knowing full well that you won’t? Do you say you won’t attend, placing your online friendship in jeopardy? Or do you pretend you never saw the invite, giving you the option of last-minute attendance if you’re feeling particularly desperate? Answer: the latter. Every time.

It’s not a red light district
Some social networks can become red-hot cruising grounds for the sexually frustrated, thanks to everyone’s vainglorious decision to upload over-flattering photos of themselves. No-one ever submits a shot of themselves emerging queasily from a cross channel ferry wearing a cagoule. No, it’ll be a sepia tinged snap of them reclining on cushions and playing coquettishly with their hair. So, when you upload that photo album of your beach holiday in the Algarve as a pleasant reminder of happy times, remember that lust-crazed admirers may see it as the equivalent of a voyeuristic Hello! photo exclusive. And if you’ve listed yourself as “single” or, worse “in an open relationship”, you can fully expect suggestive notes to lodge with irritating frequency in your inbox. Don’t say you weren’t warned.

Don’t drink and surf
Quietly surfing the internet after a skinful of booze shouldn’t be too embarrassing – apart from getting up the next day to discover the history menu of your browser full of hamfisted attempts to search for “nakked pitcurres” of someone or other. But social networking and drinking don’t mix. Why? Because you tend to leave an erratic trail of evidence. “Status update” features – especially Facebook’s, which works via SMS messages – can tell an increasingly incoherent tale of descent into alcoholic stupor. And then there are the unmissable opportunities to post incoherent notes to people you barely know, over-affectionate friend requests to celebrities who have stupidly strayed into the social networking area, and inexplicable, rambling blog entries about your imaginary friend called Arthur.

Beware of musicians
No group of people are as eager to seize the chance to relentlessly pester people as musicians. Anyone possessing a guitar will have three times the number of friends as anyone else, none of whom will have expected the torrent of useless information that’s now hurtling in their direction. There’ll be news of a new song being written, urgent missives describing line-up changes, details of a forthcoming gig in Rhyl, details of the rescheduled gig in Rhyl after the drummer broke his thumb, links to a new single on iTunes, and flyers casually posted on your profile that are the size of the Bayeux Tapestry. The easiest solution: refuse the friendship of anyone with musical ambitions. It’s harsh, I know, but they were probably never going to get signed to Parlophone in any case, so don’t let their imminent failure weigh too heavily on your conscience.

Leave me alone!
Social networking doesn’t make ignoring people very easy. Its whole raison d’etre is to massively boost the number of ways we can interact – but coping with the deluge relies on disabling as many of those ways as possible, and deleting some of the friends that have been painstakingly accumulated. Yes, they might take umbrage initially, but don’t worry. And if you get defriended – don’t be disheartened. It’s nothing personal. People can just become sick of being messaged, poked, invited, flirted with, and generally placed under scrutiny. Debrett’s say that you should wait 24 hours before accepting someone’s friend request, to give you time to think it over. But maybe a better strategy is to leave it longer. Much longer. Leave them hanging. Enjoy the feeling of power that sweeps over you. And after a few weeks, nonchalantly reject their request. Hey, they’ll cope. It’s only social networking, after all.