A well known computer hardware company soothes distressed callers to their 0870 technical support line by playing them the greatest hits of Frank Sinatra. If you’re kept on hold for long enough, you will get to hear the soaring middle-eight of “I’ve Got You Under My Skin”, and the couplet: Don’t you know, little fool, you never can win – use your mentality, wake up to reality.” While this probably isn’t a message intended for irate customers whose computers are misbehaving, anyone who has sought support over the telephone will be familiar with the frustration of being kept on hold, the helplessness of trying to explain the problem and the impotent anger as it becomes clear that the fault won’t be put right in a hurry. Ideally, we’d call a polite, well-informed technician who would visit our home and immediately set to work, explaining the solution in simple language over a cup of tea.

Until recently, arranging a home visit with a technical troubleshooter was something only the extremely wealthy would consider; lucky geeks who have landed on their feet have been installing flat panel screens, state-of-the-art home security devices and wireless audio systems in swanky Berkshire mansions for years. But the new breed of tech experts are aligning themselves with tradesmen, and are willing to pop round to your house for a comparable call out charge. You wouldn’t attempt to repair your own washing machine, so why battle with the intricacies of a far more complex computer system? Digital Plumbers, a London-based company at the forefront of this trend, promise prompt service for a fixed fee and strictly no geek-speak – and the initiative is proving popular. “Part of our business is still high-end, doing work for the likes of Mick Jagger or refitting apartments in Kensington,” says company founder Steve Moore, who is wandering around my flat, monitoring the strength of my erratic wireless signal on his laptop. “But we’ve done work for housing associations to keep our souls clean, and recently we decided that we needed to cater a bit more for normal people.”

Their team of support engineers whizz around London in a fleet of Digital Plumber vans, and one of their geek-squad, Richard Wolfe, is currently tackling an unruly external hard disk which refuses to mount on my desktop on startup, severely hampering my computing efficiency. After patiently guiding me through the steps he’s taking to sort it out, he talks about the kind of issues that he comes up against most often. “Recently, it’s wireless networks,” he says. “People have bought the equipment over Christmas, got it home, plugged it in, and can’t figure out why it doesn’t work. Or if they do get it working, they’re using no encryption and haven’t understood that they might be sending their credit card details over the network for the whole world to see.” While Digital Plumbers are happy to get deep into the code that makes computers run, it’s the more prosaic problems of the non-computer-savvy that take up the majority of their time; installing software, or cleaning up systems so they run more efficiently. It’s clear that as powerful computers find their way into more and more homes, a great deal of knowledge is presupposed. “That manual you’ve got there,” says Steve, pointing at a well-known computer support book that’s sitting on my shelf, “you may as well stand your wireless modem on it to get a better signal. And built-in help facilities are pretty poor on both PC and Mac. There’s loads of stuff hidden from disinterested users of both platforms,” he continues, “and you shouldn’t have to be interested in them to make them work to your advantage. Our job is to just get people’s lives back on track.”

Virtually every new computer product, whether hardware or software, entitles you to a period of free telephone-based technical support after you’ve registered – but a cursory internet search unveils huge enormous frustration at both ends of the telephone line. Online forums are awash with customers complaining about the cost of making the call, or poor advice which is dispensed slowly, rudely or incomprehensibly. Meanwhile, those who possess the technical know-how keep blogs where they guffaw at the memory of the famous caller who thought his CD tray was a mug holder, hoot with derision at a man who says that there are no icons on his desktop because he’s “not religious”, and pour scorn on a woman who thinks she has a modem, but isn’t entirely sure. Another site recounts the story of an incensed customer who made the telling admission: “I paid over £1,000 for this thing and I don’t even know how to use it!” Although the stories are often funny, most of the laughs are at the expense of people who merely want to learn. While those manning the phones are sympathetic, they are often working in high-tension situations where their patience is tested to the limit. “The main problem is not being able to see what’s going on at the other end,” says Dave Sheldon, a former support technician, “and people are generally terrible at describing things to you. They deny all knowledge of menus, text and graphics being on their screen – it’s almost as if they’re looking through them.” The consensus is that telephone support is an inherently flawed medium, but because it’s cheap, it’s here to stay. “Larger companies seem to view technical support as a waste of resources,” says Sheldon, “and they will outsource to companies that can provide the support for lower cost. Of course what they should be doing is investing in it, making people more comfortable with the technology so they’ll call us less in the future.”

One possibility is that remote access facilities, where a technician can take control of your computer and repair it via a broadband internet connection, will become more sophisticated and widespread – but Steve Moore doesn’t think that this addresses the root of the problem. “All people want is to understand,” he says, while demonstrating capabilities of my email program that I never knew existed. “And they want someone to look them in the eye, make them a promise, and not let them down.” Digital Plumbers have increasingly found themselves employed to address personal issues that traditional support methods are poor at addressing; perhaps getting certain internet content filtered from kids’ PCs, or setting up automated, idiot-proof backups for important files. The queues that form at evenings and weekends at the Genius Bars in Apple’s high street stores are testament to the fact that people like to have assistance with a human face. “And it helps if you’re pleasant and disarming,” laughs Steve. When Digital Plumbers recruited their technicians, their advert read “Lovable geeks required”, and Richard’s job interview consisted of getting him to explain the intricacies of an iPod to the Digital Plumbers office manager. “The mistake the bigger companies make,” says Steve, “is that they think that the support process is about dealing with computers – but it’s not, it’s about dealing with people. NHS Direct are a perfect example of how to do telephone support properly; a qualified nurse who calms you down and asks questions that are relevant to you.”

Technology companies strive to improve the usability of their products, and computer hardware and software is destined to become more intuitive – but nevertheless it’s forecast that demand for help-desk services will continue to grow by nearly 10% per year for the rest of the decade. “As the capabilities of the machines expand, different kinds of hand-holding will be needed,” says Steve. And he warns parents not to rely on their technology-savvy kids to sort out their computer problems, because they won’t be living at home for ever. “There was a study of a group of families in the late 1980s which monitored the use of VCRs to record TV shows. There was a sudden noticable downturn at the end of the study period which the researchers couldn’t explain – until they realised that it was the kids who had been using the VCR, and when they left home the adults simply didn’t know what to do.”

After a 90 minute lesson during which I realise how far within my computer’s capabilities I’m working, Steve and Richard pack up to leave. Digital Plumbers will be expanding into Leeds and Dublin by the end of May. Fingers crossed that as this new breed of plumber becomes busier, the personal touch won’t be compromised, and that they don’t resort to the unscrupulous behaviour of their namesakes: if you ever hear one saying “Your level 2 cache is shafted, mate, you’ll need a whole new motherboard” – then you know it’s probably time to get back on the telephone.