This is certainly not Tooting:

and, rather gloriously, nor is this.

I appear to be in a FREE 5* deluxe room overlooking the sea with Vesuvius looming in the background, which I estimate should erupt sometime on Thursday, casting us all into oblivion. Actually, if I was ever going to be frazzled to death, I'd enjoy it happening in a cloud of boiling hot ash so that in a thousand years time bored schoolchildren could come and have a look, whining “can I have an ice cream, now?”

We were picked up at Napoli airport by a gentleman whose sole job it was to get us to the hovercraft on time. We had no idea when it left the port, but judging by the insane way Giuseppe (as we named him) was scooting round corners, cutting people up and arguing with traffic police (an incredible performance, even by Italian standards) we were late. Very late. On arrival, we realised we had made it with 2 minutes to spare, with the next hovercraft leaving in 2 hours time. Everyone was wreathed in smiles. I gave Giuseppe 5 euros tip; he probably deserved at least 10. Thank you, Giuseppe.

Capri is, on first glance, insanely beautiful but rammed with American tourists. We tried to get away from them this afternoon but all we could find were British tourists. i.e. each other. Oh well. The roads are exceedingly narrow, and in that same way that American freeways are populated with the widest of cars, vehicles in Capri all look as if they have been squashed in at the sides, creating an island full of vans that are Far Too Thin. It's especially glorious when two large men have crammed themselves into one of these things, pressed up against each other like two Kalamata olives in a matchbox.

Now, cheese and wine tasting followed by dinner. I'll be lucky to fit through the door of my flat on returning home on Sunday.

PS Thank you once again to the delectable for enabling me to post pictures and remain fully connected…