In Kate Bush’s top 5 hit from 1980, “Babooshka”, the heroine of the story – or maybe she’s just the tragic lead character, I can’t remember exactly what happens – sends her husband “scented letters”, which he received with a “strange delight”. Last week, my girlfriend brought home “scented bin liners” which I received with a “christ, they don’t half pong.” I’ve now looked at the lyrics to Babooshka, thanks to lyricsfreak.com, the lyric freak’s one-stop shop for lyrics, and it’s one of those songs that could really do with a third verse. OK, she sends the letter, signs it “All yours, Babooshka, Babooshka, Babooshka-ya-ya”, which is quite some sign-off, and then she meets up with him and shouts “All yours, Babooshka, Babooshka, Babooshka-ya-ya”, which would be pretty terrifying for a bloke on a first date – but what happens next? We may never know. In fact, we will never know, unless Kate releases Babooshka – The Sequel, which seems unlikely.

Anyway, these bin-liners stink. It’s kind of a floral aroma, and exactly the kind of smell you don’t expect to emerge from a kitchen bin. In almost an admission of the extraordinary stench they produce, Sainsburys supply these bin liners in a plastic case – if these were left unsealed in a kitchen cupboard for a week, and the door was opened, it would be like inhaling the entire contents of a Glade Garden Bliss Air Infusions cannister. Which, according the website, eliminates odours and leaves rooms smelling inviting and fresh for up to one hour – perfect for the living room, kitchen, bathroom, bedroom and den. Good to know that predatory mammals are keeping their lairs fragrant with UltraLast® technology, these days.

You’ll have guessed that I have nothing to say. You guess wrong! Erm… Well, I got embroiled in a pointless argument about tax on motorists. That’s about it. Oh, and I feel a bit queasy, so if I end up dying, you can trace it back to this admission.