So, A Fine Romance was a terrible TV sitcom which tediously plotted the details of the marriage between a character played by Judi Dench, and another character played by the lugubrious Geoffrey Palmer, right? Wrong. A Fine Romance was a terrible TV sitcom which tediously plotted the details of the marriage between a character played by Judi Dench, and another character played by Michael Williams. The terrible TV sitcom which tediously plotted the details of the marriage between a character played by Judi Dench, and another character played by the lugubrious Geoffrey Palmer was called As Time Goes By. Amazing what you can find out at someone’s birthday party, isn’t it.

Geoffrey Palmer came up in conversation because someone at the table had said “Sorry. Nerves. Talking too much.” They weren’t aware that they’d just unwittingly slipped into the character of Jimmy, played by Geoffrey Palmer in the magnificent TV sitcom The Fall And Rise Of Reginald Perrin (although the less said about series three the better.) Jimmy spoke in a clipped fashion, removing all but the barest essentials from his sentences, and is thus fantastically imitatable. Especially during long journeys when you’re looking for something to do to amuse yourself. “Ah, service station. Need petrol. Sandwich, too. One mile. Marvellous.”

Also, when you’re offered a drink and want to accept, it’s best to do it Jimmy’s way. “Shouldn’t. Nearly tea-time. Mustn’t drink and drive. Same again, thanks.” If you’re hungry, don’t say “I’m hungry.” Say “Cock up on the catering front. Scrag end of lamb? Few vegetables? Thanks.” Believe me, it’s great fun. So much fun, you could probably get a whole TV sitcom out of it, and oh look, they did.

Sorry. Nerves. Writing too much.

I went to pick up my broken laptop from the repair shop. They can’t find anything wrong with it. So I have an erratically behaving laptop which I can’t use, because it might break down at any moment, and I can’t sell, because I’ll end up having to give a disgruntled eBay customer their money back. I’ve got to put it to some kind of use, and I’m thinking of adding some teeth and a tail to it to make a splendid model crocodile, which wouldn’t push the 1.5Ghz processor to its limits, but at least it would look nice.