More Diplomatic Pressure On Pakistan And India
“Lets nt hve anthr bldy war” urges Straw in late-night text message

Diplomatic efforts intensified last night in an attempt to halt the escalating tensions between India and Pakistan. The two countries have massed troops, tanks and missiles to the shared border following an attack on India’s parliament which Delhi has blamed on terrorists based in Pakistan’s territory.

A statement from US officials said that President Bush had urged caution to Indian leader Atal Behari Vajpayee in a text message sent from Bush’s new Nokia 9290 mobile phone at approximately 18.30 EST on Saturday. The content of the message was said to have been: “hi atal. dn’t invde pkstn. x gb.” This kicked off a flurry of international messaging from world leaders in an effort to stop the nuclear powers from waging an all-out assault on each other.

“lve it prvz, thyr nt wrth it. L8R” was the communication sent by Tony Blair to Pakistani President Pervez Musharraf in the early hours of Sunday morning. A reply was quickly dispatched from Islamabad which calmed nerves throughout the world. It read, simply, “ok. cya.”

Downing Street spokesmen were quick to point out the British Prime Minister’s skill in averting a conflict on the sub continent. “To pull a nation back from the brink of war, especially when feelings are running so high, is a great achievement. To do so within the constrains of a 120 character limit as with Tony’s Nokia 3210 is something even more incredible.”

Foriegn Secretary Jack Straw, quick to pick up on the initiative shown by Tony Blair, embarked last night on a round of peace messages sent to a number of world leaders. Unfamiliar with the concept of predictive texting, Straw’s initial attempts were found to be wanting, referring more than once to “the folly of was”. Reverting to the more traditional text messaging method, he transmitted a direct plea to those countries around the globe who are reluctant to lay down their arms. “let’s nt hve anthr bldy war” read the message. Within an hour the Foreign Office had secured a return text from Palastinian leader Chairman Arafat, saying “nt a prblm. kewl.” More sceptical was Israeli premier Ariel Sharon, replying “WTF?”

A spokesman at the Nokia headquarters in Espoo, Finland gave an enthusiastic welcome to this new use of their mobile technology. “We are pleased to see that Nokia are in their own way contributing to spreading a message of peace to our planet. It is certainly an efficient way for our leaders to communicate, freeing up their time for more pressing tasks such as photo calls and television broadcasts. And what’s more, they’re saving money!”